NLP Skills-Builders for developing Rapport, Influence, & Motivation - NLP chat
NLP Skills-Builders for developing Rapport, Influence, & Motivation - NLP chat
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3-Day NLP Skills-Builders Events!
|Jonathan||Welcome to the chat folks! I'd like to start by setting up a what-if scenario.|
Who here likes to go out for happy hours & party (no alcohol required) -- just fun social settings like restaurants or pubs? (Me!) Coffee shops, yogurt places, etc., are all good options.
|ScottG, BNLP, Alex6||Me!|
|Floydd||Do women's bedrooms count?|
|Jonathan||Hah Floydd :) Sure it counts but go with me on this one for a bit! OK well, imagine we're there. Now.|
|Jonathan||We've all gone out for some fun together and its Sunday evening. The weekend is over. And things are different. And lets say we're getting our coffee or soft drinks, some decide to get beer, whatever. And you see someone across the establishment who interests you. Not necessarily someone you wanna take home that night, maybe someone who just sparks your interest. And in the past, before this weekend, you might have wondered what you'd have to say... what you'd have to do... to get that person to respond more strongly to you. Only -now- things are different... you could... begin to sort through some of the experiences you had over the weekend, or you could just relax into one of the states that had evolved over the weekend and let everything flow. And know that whatever happens, however well or easily they begin to respond strongly to you, you'll know it wasn't because you thought hard about what you had to do -- or whether you took 2nd or 3rd positions :) or whether you wondered if they'd LIKE you...!!!|
|Jonathan||You'd just allow things to glow & flow in the way in which whatever was clunky beforehand... becomes smoother as a result of the entire weekend. So maybe you go into a certain state. A state where the beliefs about yourself are ones which EMPOWER you to get the results you want rather than holding you back. See it's not so much what you say to yourself but how you feel about what you believe. And how congruently... You go forward with your interest and maybe you mirror & match or pace & lead. But whatever you choose to do and believe, things flow more naturally. Now. I don't know what kinds of pictures you're making in your mind's eye -- NOW -- or whether you can hear that person's voice in your mind's ears... and here, how nice their voice sounds... or whether you get a charge when you build up your energy and send it through them and enjoy their response... but won't it be great to feel good about how easy NLP can be? It ain't difficult when you do it the easy way :)|
|ScottG||That would make a change in me! For sure!|
|Jonathan||Who wants better results from simple situations with people?|
|ScottG||Me me me!|
|Jonathan||Sometimes situations involving lots of people do require more sophisticated or evolved levels of skills. Far too many trainings that I have either attended or heard about go into too much detail to achieve positive measurable results in simple situations. Like, it's day 3 of a 5 day training on language patterns, and they're just getting into Sleight of Mouth patterns. Or it's day 7 of a 2-3 week NLP Practitioner Training and they're just beginning to discuss the Milton Model!!!|
|Sunev||What do you think should come first and in what order, Jonathan?|
|Jonathan||Venus is having the response I'm trying to elicit :) Who's getting impatient? :D|
|Jonathan||Who wants it NOWWWWWW|
|Jonathan||I could go on but I don't know if the others want more NOWWWWW! Maybe it's day 3 of a year-long training and they're still doing registration!|
|Jonathan||Yes, in fact this will be an 8-hour chat and the best stuff will happen sometime in the middle 4 hours... unless you really want to find out more NOWWWWWW|
|Sunev||Now!!!! 4 hours is a LONG time!|
|Floydd||Jon, it's not necessary for you to find yourself getting to the point, because, of course it's your choice... and you can move as quickly or as fast as you'd like!|
|ScottG||NOW DAMMIT! :)|
|ConneXion||MORE MORE MORE GIMME GIMME|
|Jonathan||I liiike impatience - and yet I like it tempered with the idea of suspending disbelief that whatever we're doing now has a useful outcome! Meaning -- if it seems like you're getting impatient -- rest assured it's because I want you to be, at that time! :D|
|RonDeVue||Jonathan, you're such a tease! LOL|
|Jonathan||And yet that even if there is impatience -- as long as we keep the flow moving, rest assured also that after we're done, things will tie together! So.|
|Sunev||I really want things to tie together... NOW!!!|
|Floydd||Jonathan, just as long as you do it... right... now.... is a good time more sooner than now|
Day 1: Rapport & Relationships
|Jonathan||You walk in. I set the stage for the day and begin to talk. Only, suddenly its 2 hours later and you don't quite know what I was saying but a lot of it was... funny :) And before you know it you're in separate groups and I'm telling each group what their tasks are -- and then you split up and find exercise partners... and for the rest of the 1st section we're doing exercises that just seem weird. Things beyond what you'd normally do when you learn something new.|
|Sunev||I like weird.|
|Jonathan||Covering rapport skills. Yes, we do some matching & mirroring exercises but not for long :) Usually when you hear about people criticizing rapport exercises they're criticizing the idea of getting rapport through thinking consciously about breathing & such. That isn't the point! The point is to know several things -- (1) You're training something that isn't trained well by other activities -- how to build in the EYE-BRAIN-BODY linkage. How to fine-tune your ability to synchronize your body motions & rhythms to those of other people. Tooooooo many people have learned to shut down those connections because they didn't know how to shield themselves from signals they don't want! Do you agree? (y/n)|
|Floydd||Yes.. YOU become the biofeedback mechanism... and then you become the bioINPUT ;-)|
|RonDeVue||And it can be an accidental rather than purposeful occurrence|
|Jonathan||Sure it can Ron! But not consistently. NOT on a continuous reproduceable profound basis. You can do it well through both (purposeful & accidental) actions.|
|RonDeVue||That's one thing I've learned from you, Jonathan.|
|Jonathan||"Believing you're synchronized" without training into yourself the live moment-to-moment feedback mechanism OFTEN boils down to psychic mumbo-jumbo.|
Now (2) In addition to building in the LIVE real-time biofeedback device -- you're also learning other things while the rapport skills exercises are going on. This is not as simple as "Okay, A mirrors B here. 5 minutes." Goodness gracious, I don't think so! There are -other- outcomes! One group has no idea what the other group's outcomes are! By setting things up -- each person is learning one thing as they learn to perceive other patterns. :)
So next time you hear about mirroring exercises, listen carefully to discover how many things they seem to be training at the same time. Because by the time the afternoon rolls around (Saturday morning for my Sydney, Oz attendees!) things will be very very different nonverbally.
You'll be practicing mirroring and observing very differently. There will be a glow to people's faces because of all the patterns YOU will have observed the night before when you went out & had fun :) And you'll be ready to learn more about VERBAL rapport techniques --- And I'll do some of my Irresistible Voice work with people as you then move into more exercises on learning how to pace & lead WHILE you perceive more effectively what's ALREADY going on around you....
|ScottG||I can't wait! how about that for impatience, you bastard arragh :)|
Day 2: Personal Influence
|Jonathan||Having learned how to pace & lead each other a little bit (enough to get some results, certainly), I might then decide to open up the envelope and demonstrate that you don't need to do it with just one person at a time -- instead if you happened to see me pace & lead 4-6 people or more concurrently, without looking directly at them, that might surprise you, might it not? That might PUSH OPEN THE EDGE OF THE ENVELOPE, might it not?|
|ScottG||Hell, it'd push the damn MAILBAG off the edge!|
|Sunev||Not if *you* were doing it, Jonathan! Maybe if it was someone else, though.|
|Jonathan||That might be a good way to open up Day 2, for example -- to show how MUCH more is possible that you can REACH FOR AND GO BEYOND....|
|ConneXion||Can you pace and lead more than 4-6? say... oh, about 100?|
|Jonathan||ConneXion, if I'm training a group -- you can get 100 people to breathe at roughly the same rate within a minute or two, easy. All through indirect means.|
|ConneXion||Good... I'll have to try that on my lunch period... LOL|
|Jonathan||In fact though its impossible to test...|
Its probable that you're all breathing...
at roughly the same rate now. Just
take a look at the length of my lines
and figure out how long a pause exists
between each of my typed lines and then
you might discover that most people don't like to try
to hear other people's words or read them for that matter
when they're in the middle of breathing so chances are that you
only breath after you finish reading and before I type the next line as you continue
to relax more & more deeply into what it is you KNOW would amaze you about your own
abilities and capabilities and beliefs and skills and perceptual filters that are dissolving one after the other...
|Jonathan||How might you feel about that?|
But don't answer until you find yourself opening up what it was you thought was a limitation... and only if you waaaaanna!
So Day 2 is on language patterns for verbal influence! I'll hand out some material on sleight of mouth & belief systems, and we'll take THREE (just three) sleight of mouth patterns, and explore how they operate and how they work. Then we'll work within groups to identify the verbal situations WITH which those sleight-of-mouth patterns would be useful -- and then build responses to those situations using those patterns. Having ALREADY learned about Rapport -- we'll find ways of maintaining rapport WHILE you learn to pace, or lead, or change others beliefs within an overall context of doing the RIGHT thing for the RIGHT reason. And that is NOT for me to say -- regarding what those are. But the universe keeps track! "It goes on your permanent record" (Richard Bandler) So be nice to people!
|Jonathan||Hmmm so let's see now... It's Saturday Night. Who wants to party? Who wants to go out for Dinner as a group? Who wants to PLAY in real life? :)|
|Jonathan||On Saturday afternoon around Lunchtime, we went out, and found a Mall or Shopping Plaza nearby where there were LOTS of people around... and we grouped up into pairs & 3's. This let us take the skills OUT into the real world and use them with people! We mirrored people's walks and motions and body positions and structural balance and facial expressions and we would use it to help learn how to shift states QUICKLY & RAPIDLY.|
|Jonathan||Too often, again, you hear people who teach rapport skills who only do it to teach rapport skills. That is -not- the point! People are missing the big picture. There are reasons to do these things ;) and there are reasons to do them in a certain order! You build something that works and then you have an engine inside you! How many of you know anything about DHE™?|
|ScottG||A very tiny bit.|
|Sunev||Me... a little.|
|ConneXion||Very, very little.|
|Znmeb||I have heard the Bandler tapeset twice.|
|Jonathan||Well, you might say I'm building a machine inside attendees with enough NLP skills to KNOW -- to truly KNOW -- that it gets results when you go out into the world after the weekend is over. Machines are built from biofeedback & feedforward mechanisms. And by training things in a certain order... we will build those machines. We will build the machine inside at these events that knows how to gain results quickly & effectively! :) There are MANY ways to do this. My way is not the only way. There are other trainers you can learn similar things from.|
So we came back on Saturday from gathering useful evidence -- to then study & play with language and learn some leading language patterns... Only to get TOTALLY psyched up for Saturday night! And the only question for Saturday night is whether or not we go out in groups :) or whether or not everyone asks me to return to the training room after Dinner for some more *magical playtime* :) In which case I might just decide to do so :) And -then- go out!!
But Sunday awaits! And it did, did it not? It waited ALL too long, because while you were immersed in Saturday I was priming for Sunday the entire time... I was opening up a package... I was leading you into skilled capabilities... and then its time to propel you into motion! To propel you into an increased capability to lock in a better future and to ALSO know -how- I was doing it as I was doing it so that YOU WILL be able to motivate others more effectively! Now. Before I talk more about Sunday, What questions did you have about Friday or Saturday?
|ScottG||when we got into groups, and attacked the public...|
|Jonathan||Not attack! Be unleashed upon!|
|ScottG||Well, I don't normally unleash myself upon people. OK, so what the hell did we talk about? :)|
|Jonathan||Whatever you would normally have talked about. Much will be nonverbal. Some will be verbal in addition to nonverbal. As an example. What associations did you have with that idea?|
|Znmeb||None -- I'm a cat person :-)|
|ScottG||That there would be conversation, and that I wouldnt know what to say.|
|Jonathan||Let's say you go in a store and you see two sales assistants. And you'd like to be helped by the one who isn't coming over to you. What if you could do some nonverbal things that would get the other one to come over to you? And send the ENROUTE one on their way before opening their mouth?|
|ScottG||Ohhhhhhhhhh, sales assistants! Say no more, they're FUN! I see you're point! Can I play with the car salesman too, pleeeeze?! :)|
|Jonathan||Oboy, Car Salesmen are fresh meat, Scott. But mostly its not even worth the fun you'd have "playing" with car salesment -- what is MUCH more fun -- is the newfound increasing ability you will have discovered began to amplify earlier tonight -- to make good people feel incredible about themselves and also -you-. Because that is what it boils down to for me, mostly.|
|ScottG||End every conversation (story) with a happy ending!|
|Jonathan||Why not! It's SUCH an easy choice to make most of the time. Granted sometimes we set ourselves up in situations where we might decide NOT to end things temporarily in a happy way. As long as you know the consequences, consider them completely in balance. For example, I find it a distracting annoyance that there are people who play bullshit games online and take potshots at people reaching for their own personal best. Its truly reprehensible behavior. And you shouldn't put up with it. You can stand up for better behavior & results. Take people to task for bullying others. If enough people did, less people would play such games!|
|ScottG||Okay, NOW you've made me impatient for July, I'm gonna have to read that Time Distortion chat log!|
|Sunev||I really wish I could go to Oz!|
Day 3: Motivation & Drive!
|Jonathan||I'll start out the day by opening up a frame. And asking you what you want. And finding out how (&/or if) you don't yet create well-formed outcomes. Because you will, by the end of the day, create well formed outcomes. To train in this way provides you the opportunity to see HOW the skills interrelate. To see HOW they integrate well. Because they DO integrate. Now without much Hype, we'll look at the structure of motivation. And we'll find out WHAT we can learn about the structure of motivating people can encompass. And as we learn how to motivate we'll do it. And people will begin to gLISTEN up more effectively because those rosy cheeks are an indicator! I don't want to spank anyone to get those cheeks rosy, so you'll have to enjoy yourselves! We'll find out what makes us feel good as we get motivated for what we want and then we'll learn how to JUICE & CHARGE & ELECTRIFY ourselves & others into action. Because sometimes simple language shifts make the difference and sometimes its ALLLLL nonverbal.|
|Hapa21||I'd love to learn this skill!|
|Jonathan||As you learn how to do this -- and find that you CAN motivate people in very direct & clearcut ways, I bet you've already -- tonight -- begun to think about a couple of circumstances... where this would come in... handy, have you not? And as you consider the value of that skill, everything in life improves!|
|NLPMind||Get the juice, the fire, the burning desire!|
|Jonathan||And as you look back at what I've described over the last 10 lines or so -- learn how to "chunk UP in your thinking" because that is HOW people get motivated! When you chunk UP, the problems disappear. Didn't they! As Richard says, "If you're looking for problems, you'll find them. If you're looking for solutions, you'll find those too..."|
There's a reason people say "Chin Up." The submodalities are pretty lofty. :) Beautiful lofty too!
|NLPMind||Things are looking up!|
|NLPMind||Get high! On life!|
|Jonathan||And then, when Sunday night rolls around, having learned to change beliefs and motivate yourself & others more effectively... it would be time to close the package so that you can CARRY everything with you inside your mind, and enjoy things as they unfold throughout your new life! Because things will never be the same again.|
Now. I'll tell you a funny story -- talk about rapid learning -- Gillian is just over 9 months and she's hysterically funny! I do a Wookie sound that's pretty sharp on. It's made by rolling the back of the tongue along with a arrrrrr sound. Not rolling your R's with the front of your tongue, that's different! Gillian learned how to do it -REAL FAST- and now wanders around with this twirling sound that is too funny.
|ScottG||Do you teach the Wookie sound on your tape set? :)|
|Jonathan||Nah :) But I'll teach you in Oz!!!|
|Jonathan||Its easy -- I still cannot roll my R's with the front of my tongue, but it sounds exactly like Chewbacca! She'd already learned "Hi Dada" at 9 months, which took a while to develop, but she learned the wookie sound FAST & EASY! Think about that one for a moment.|
|Sunev||That's because you spent all that time teaching her to say "Hi DADA" and she really wants to please you now! :-D|
|NLPMind||The key is having a trainer who knows what to install and when.|
|Jonathan||I agree NLPmind :) Did you enjoy watching this group get impatient?|
|Jonathan||NLPmind is Steve Boyley -- an|
NLP Trainer out of Canada -- who often trains in idyllic Banff Springs! I may just have to vacation up there sometime...
|NLPMind||Hello Everyone! Thanks for the introduction|
IRC CHAT OVER!